The new spring-loaded basketball shoe: Don’t believe the hype

The assignment seemed quite simple. I was told to investigate the new “spring-loaded gym shoe” that can make you jump higher, especially for basketball players.

Wow, but… .

Immediately, my skepticism beeper went off. A shoe that can make somebody actually jump higher and run faster?  Man, I could have used that when trying out for the high school basketball team some five decades ago.  I always suspected those black high top Converse gym shoes were the reason I didn’t make the team.

But…like a good soldier, I investigated, with my research team consisting of—me!  And what I found for the most part was, no such shoe really exists.

After doing some plain old Google search attempts, I realized I probably should have titled this column “Been There, Done That, Nothing To it." 

Yes, there is a company out there called Athletic Propulsion Labs ( APL) and it sounds impressive. Really, it’s no more advanced than any one of the other seemingly endless number of gym shoe companies on the market.

In fact, it got me thinking…not to sound like an old codger, but back in our day we bought a pair of gym shoes, one pair, and it was good for all athletic events. We ran in those shoes, walked in them, played hoops in them, played tennis, baseball, softball—you name it, and with that pair of gym shoes we were good to go. Literally and figuratively, one size fits all. 

But over time and into today?  Can we all give a loud OMG ( Oh My Goodness) together now?

The one size fits all gym shoe for all activities has gone the way of the dinosaur.  Now, we are told we must have one shoe for walking, a different shoe for running, special shoes for tennis, different ones for basketball, and don’t you dare play pickleball in your standard issue tennis shoe—oh no, no, no you might get injured.

You need to have the special shoe designed specifically for pickleball players.  Throw in dance shoes, aerobics shoes, yoga shoes and the rest and you might as well have a circus and bring in the dancing clowns. (Don’t forget your standard issue dancing clown shoes of course.)

Ditto as a sidelight (duly noted, my original assignment to check out the new propulsion gym shoe gets farther off track), but ditto for blue jeans today.

Used to be a pretty simple process. Go to the pants section, find the blue jeans, look for my standard 36 waist, 34 length and boom! Off to the checkout line I go. 

But no. All of a sudden, I am now surrounded by a seemingly unending myriad of styles and choices. A literal army of selections. There are now high rise, mid-rise, low rise, straight leg, relaxed fit, pre washed, wide leg, slim-fit, and even pre-ripped! 

Way too many choices, but at least there is—not yet, anyway —no propulsion spring loaded blue jean guaranteed to make you run faster and jump higher. 

Who knows, that might be my next assignment.  Either that or it might be:  “Is two-ply toilet paper really worth the extra expense?”

Stay tuned. Another rant could be coming.